Handwritten

Small Town, Big Life

Expectations and False Fairy Tales December 17, 2008

Filed under: life,Uncategorized — handwritten @ 5:15 pm
Tags: , , ,

It’s been no secret to those around me that I’ve had a rough few days. Nothing particularly is wrong. I’m just having a “pity party” as my brother likes to call it. Everyone has their problems. Everyone has their issues. But, I don’t like having them.

I like things to be perfect. I like things to go according to “the plan.” I like things the way I like them, but nothing ever goes accordingly. I feel immense pressure internally from the false impression of expecation I get from others. I feel like much is expected of me and I can’t accomplish it all.

My mother swears noone expects anything of me. She swears noone is putting pressure on me. I have to respectfully disagree. Everyone has expectations of others. I know I do. And, I am usually disappointed because noone ever plays by my rules. They each play by there own, and mine and their’s rarely match up.

I’m blaming it on kindergarten.

Little girls grow up with fairy tales.

Little girls grow up with fairy tales.

Don’t they say everything you’ll ever need to know you learned in kindergarten? Well, I don’t know if I exactly agree with that statement, but I did learn a heck of a lot about what others expect of you. You’re expected to conform. You’re expected to not ask questions of those in charge. You’re expected to walk in a straight line on the right side of the hall. You’re expected to keep quite and not express your opinions unless asked and then you are told you’re wrong if what you say isn’t what the teacher wants. You are rewarded for being a “good little girl.” You’re given stars, candy and extra attention if you make the best grade or do the best work. If you’re not the best, not the brightest, you become invisible.

Who wants to be invisible?

Becoming the best and the brightest is the quickest and easiest way to become noticed. Once it starts in kindergarten, it filters over into the following school years and eventually into your personal life. You’re read fairy tales about princes and fair maidens, and eventually you expect these fairy tales to come true. This is not just my view point, but many girls I’ve come in contact with over the years feel the same way. Single, married, divorced – they all believe(d) fairy tales come true. You expect them to, but they don’t and you’re left with unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

Within religious circles it’s even worse. As a young girl, you’re expected to be quite and not ask questions. You’re expected to let the men in your life tell you who you should be. We often get caught up in the idea of perfection and forget that we’re all flawed.

I’m preaching to the choir here. I’ve already expressed my need for perfection. I’ve tried and tried to let things go. I’ve tried to not worry about life and it’s daily inperfections. I’ve tried, but have not succeeded.

I guess I have two options. Be perfectly unhappy or be imperfectly happy.

I think I’ll choose the later.

 

Turkey Hangover and Shopping Extravaganza November 23, 2007

Filed under: Holidays,Shopping,Uncategorized — handwritten @ 9:40 pm
Tags: , , ,

Yesterday was our nation’s day of thanks. To celebrate, we all gorged ourselves on turkey and dressing, cranberry sauce, rolls and all the deserts … oh, the desserts … as only an obese nation can. We watched our football, and for my family, spent the afternoon mud riding in the side-by-side. We also had a little fun on the front-end loader, as only polished, American rednecks can. After raping the the land of her natural innocence, we ate more and collapsed into a drunken stupor created by digested turkey, ham and excessive carbs.

Today, being Black Friday, was the most celebrated day of the retail universe. I dutifully paid respects to the retail and debt gods and rose at the ringing of my 3:15 a.m. alarm. I dressed solemnly and ventured into the crisp blackness of pre-dawn to retrieve the much sought after item that my mother wanted under the Christmas tree this year.

Having never participated in the extravaganza that is Black Friday – except for that one horrid year during college that I was employed by Target – I was exceptionally naive about the whole thing. Thinking that most sane people would be sleeping off the tryptophan of the previous day, I never imagined the sight I would see when I topped the hill that overlooked the two-acre parking lot of a local retailer. It was a glowing sea of car headlights and street lights and neon store signs. Every parking place was filled and many cars meandered the aisles like ants in an ant farm. The store didn’t open until 4 a.m. – 15 minutes after my arrival to the “retail” Mecca.

I was stunned.

But, I decided to investigate anyway and must say that is was quite a thrill. Friends were meeting and exchanging hugs, examining their strategically categorized shopping lists. Couples were discussing their attack-and-conquer strategies – “I’ll get in line and you run and get the boys’ jeans,” “Go get mom’s mixer. I’ll get the T.V. and meet you by the housewares.”

I headed for my must-get gift and hopped in the check-out line 15 minutes after the doors opened and was amazed that the 250 plus people in front of me were also in line.

Being a seasoned shopper, I did have a game plan, though. I shopped the aisles and departments as I passed, leaving my loot in line to save my spot and quickly running in and out of departments as I spotted what I wanted. It worked and and hour later I was on my way out the door with half my Christmas shopping finished, $50 worth of free gift cards to use on Sunday and a cute boy to carry my things.

I was back home and in bed by 6 a.m. where I dreamed of the surprised faces of my friends and family on Christmas morning. Will it be worth it? I can say, yes.

 

Verizon OK afterall… August 1, 2007

Filed under: cell,money,phone,text message,Tuscon,Uncategorized,Verizon,Wachovia — handwritten @ 9:44 pm

I HATE WORDPRESS AT THIS VERY MOMENT!

I was editing this very long post and WordPress deleted it. All I asked it to do was save it, but NOooooooooooo! It deleted it. Oh well, you’ll have to read something else.

(Quick synopsis of post – Verizon wireless service rep rocked.)

 

Making the Money July 31, 2007

After seven months of drudging through a “normal” part-time job and living in my parents’ spare bedroom, I have yet to get a call back from any of my resumes. Maybe my heart isn’t really behind it, that is getting a regular job in the world of PR.

So finally, just a week ago, I decided I was going to keep my “normal” part-time job – because it involves lots of editing and writing, which I love – and fill the rest of my time with freelance writing jobs.

In just a week, I’ve added two new online freelancing jobs to my repertoire. I can’t disclose those at the moment because I haven’t gotten all the paperwork done, but they are on the horizon. I’m also in the process of having my blog make me some money. We’ll see how that goes. I hope that within the next six months I will be making money freelancing that is at least equal to what my normal part-time job pays.

I have to give props to Deborah Ng as she has been my inspiration even though she doesn’t know it, and Darren Rowse over at Problogger.net.

 

The siesta is over… July 13, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — handwritten @ 8:52 pm

I haven’t written in a really, really long time. Well, at least I haven’t written on my blog. I write every day regardless because it’s part of my job. I edit mostly but occassionally I get bored of that and bump a freelancer and put in my own story. That’s the benefit of being in my position.

Don’t take it the wrong way. My job is less than glamourous, less than full time and less than good pay, but somehow I’ve been doing it for 7 months now and can still pay my bills. Sure my credit card has a little bit of a balance on it and sure I had to postpone my student loan repayments for at least the next 6 months, but for some reason or another I’ve no success at finding another job.

The double edge of the sword is though that I can’t find one thing I’m half way interested in. Aside from the aforementioned cons of the job, it’s at least interesting. I can’t decide if I’d rather be poor and intrigued or comfortable and bored to tears.

I guess it remains to be seen. Either way, the “writing for fun” break is over. I hope to start making this a more regular gig. We’ll see how it goes.

 

What Do I Believe? April 28, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — handwritten @ 11:59 pm

I believe in …

… a holy and just God.

… love at first, second and third sight.

… a good work ethic.

… things not being given to you without you putting anything out.

… family.

… having fun.

… doing the right thing.

… setting goals.

… changing your goals.

… changing your mind.

… having the first word and the last word.

… knowing your story.

… knowing others’ stories.

… remembering the past, living in the present and planning for the future.

… being yourself.

 

Hungry hungry…mother April 16, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — handwritten @ 4:50 pm

She must have been pretty hungry…

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Woman offers man sex with teenage daughter in exchange for pizza

var wn_last_ed_date = getLEDate(“Mar30,2007,8:57 PM EST”); document.write(wn_last_ed_date);March 30, 2007 07:57 PM CDT

A Shoals mother is accused of doing the unthinkable to get free food.

The woman turned herself in Thursday to Russellville police in Franklin County.    

Investigators say a woman was trying to get a man to buy her a free pizza in exchange for sex with her teenage daughter.

The man turned down the offer.

Britnell now faces charges for solicitation.  

45-year-old Reba Diane Britnell was arrested Thursday after a Grand Jury indicted her on a charge of criminal solicitation second-degree rape.

The incident was reported to the Sheriff’s office by an acquaintance of Britnell’s.

Investigators have been investigating the case for several months.

Thursday the case went to the Grand Jury.

Franklin County District Attorney Joey Rushing says, “Investigators have been investigating the case for several months. Thursday the case went to the grand jury. Requesting another person to engage in sexual intercourse with someone to pay for pizza is what the indictment says. That’s what she’s charged with and she’s set for arraignment in April. Then she will be placed on the trial doc. In a couple of months.”  

Britnell was released on $15,000 bond.

No trial date has been set.

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