Small Town, Big Life

The Education of Me sans Cinderella January 29, 2009

Filed under: advice,happiness,life,perfect — handwritten @ 10:38 pm
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The words often flow easily from my fingers to my keyboard, but today I’m having a hard time figuring out what I want to say. One great thing I can share is that I’ve got a new guy in my life. It’s really fantastic to experience the simple pleasures of understanding another person the way I feel I’m beginning to understand him. The relationship is still in its infancy, but like a child, relationships arern’t made to become instantly mature with the first bite of nurishment.

Not that I’m greatly experienced in this area, but I do know from observation of great couples in my life, that you can’t expect a relationship to be without its bumps and dips, highs and mountains. From what I’ve learned from people with many more years experience in this area, people with happy and fufilled relationships, is that relationships are work. Anyone that tells you they aren’t has either not been in a relationship, or is lying to your face. 

cinderella-3Growing up, as a young girl, I was emmersed in the fairytales of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and her seven dwarfs. I inadvertantly was taught to believe that I would be whisked away by a perfect Prince Charming and carry on with a perfectly wonderful life. The one fault about Cinderella and the like, is that Disney never shows you life after the whisking.  It’s not always easy. It’s not always exciting. Even during the whisking, things can get sticky, complicated and confusing. The idea of perfection is hard to outgrow, and many of us (girls) never do.

Outgrowing this notion of perfection is hard for me. True to my nature, I want things to be perfect. I want things to go the way I expect them to go, and when they don’t I am the one that is disappointed. This mindset is not a great thing for living in the imperfect world of human relationships, but over some several years now, I’ve learned that perfection is not what we should strive for in our dealings with others. What we should strive for is understanding, appreciation and respect.

If you can continually live within these three mantras, I fully believe that you can survive anything that may cause upset within a relationship. Maybe I’m insanely naive, but I’m going to keep trying it out and maybe, just maybe I’m right.


Expectations and False Fairy Tales December 17, 2008

Filed under: life,Uncategorized — handwritten @ 5:15 pm
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It’s been no secret to those around me that I’ve had a rough few days. Nothing particularly is wrong. I’m just having a “pity party” as my brother likes to call it. Everyone has their problems. Everyone has their issues. But, I don’t like having them.

I like things to be perfect. I like things to go according to “the plan.” I like things the way I like them, but nothing ever goes accordingly. I feel immense pressure internally from the false impression of expecation I get from others. I feel like much is expected of me and I can’t accomplish it all.

My mother swears noone expects anything of me. She swears noone is putting pressure on me. I have to respectfully disagree. Everyone has expectations of others. I know I do. And, I am usually disappointed because noone ever plays by my rules. They each play by there own, and mine and their’s rarely match up.

I’m blaming it on kindergarten.

Little girls grow up with fairy tales.

Little girls grow up with fairy tales.

Don’t they say everything you’ll ever need to know you learned in kindergarten? Well, I don’t know if I exactly agree with that statement, but I did learn a heck of a lot about what others expect of you. You’re expected to conform. You’re expected to not ask questions of those in charge. You’re expected to walk in a straight line on the right side of the hall. You’re expected to keep quite and not express your opinions unless asked and then you are told you’re wrong if what you say isn’t what the teacher wants. You are rewarded for being a “good little girl.” You’re given stars, candy and extra attention if you make the best grade or do the best work. If you’re not the best, not the brightest, you become invisible.

Who wants to be invisible?

Becoming the best and the brightest is the quickest and easiest way to become noticed. Once it starts in kindergarten, it filters over into the following school years and eventually into your personal life. You’re read fairy tales about princes and fair maidens, and eventually you expect these fairy tales to come true. This is not just my view point, but many girls I’ve come in contact with over the years feel the same way. Single, married, divorced – they all believe(d) fairy tales come true. You expect them to, but they don’t and you’re left with unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

Within religious circles it’s even worse. As a young girl, you’re expected to be quite and not ask questions. You’re expected to let the men in your life tell you who you should be. We often get caught up in the idea of perfection and forget that we’re all flawed.

I’m preaching to the choir here. I’ve already expressed my need for perfection. I’ve tried and tried to let things go. I’ve tried to not worry about life and it’s daily inperfections. I’ve tried, but have not succeeded.

I guess I have two options. Be perfectly unhappy or be imperfectly happy.

I think I’ll choose the later.