I almost killed myself today. Not in the melodramatic ways of Lifetime movies either. It would have been an accident – tragic yet terribly stupid. One thing I’ve learned today, in just the few short hours that I’ve been awake, is that when faced with a ‘bad’ thing your instinct takes over and your rational and logical thinking ceases to exist. Let me back-track so that you don’t think I am suicidal.
I was getting ready for work in my apartment’s tiny bathroom. I decided to opt out of the time consuming hair washing routine I usually do and instead took the quicker route of ‘fluffing’ my hair with the hairdryer. I was doing just fine but still running a little late – as usual. I was nearly complete with the ‘fluffing’ and had laid the dryer down on my sink cabinet to grasp the last bit of hair on the top of my head that needed the dryer’s attention. As I did so, the dryer, which was still on, flew out of my hand and landed in the toilet. Yes, the toilet. The loo. The John. The porcelain thrown.
In an instant, time actually slowed down. I can’t explain it, but it did. I saw the dryer slowly float off the counter and down into the toilet. It didn’t bounce around on the rim and then fall in. It went directly into the bowl. I don’t recall it ever touching the seat. It was like an NBA star’s free throw – clean and smooth. Then, I saw the cord still plugged into the wall. Then I saw the water from the bowl being sucked into the back of the dryer and being shot out the nozzle. No sparks, just water. Like an idiot I grabbed the cord and yanked the dryer out of the toilet and threw it on the floor. I didn’t even think to unplug it!
After it lay on the linoleum for a bit, spitting and coughing, gasping for air and electricity, I realized it was still plugged into the outlet and how incredibly close I had come to being part of News of the Weird. I quickly pulled the plug from the wall and left the dryer lying in the floor where it will remain until I get home this afternoon. It’s not that I am afraid that it will electrocute me, because as it is unplugged there really is no chance of that. But, I am a bit afraid to touch something that came so close to killing me or at least hurting me pretty badly. I’m a little gun shy.
So now, I must search the city during my lunch break to find a decent hairdryer so I can actually dry my hair in the morning. I will remember to put the toilet seat down this time.