There comes a time in your life when you have to make a decision; a decision that will change the course of your life. We all come to these points every now and again. Sometimes the decisions are easy even though they are so life-changing. And sometimes, the decisions are hard, unbearably hard, even though you know that decision is for the best. It’s not often you find yourself in these kinds of situations. But, when you do come across them you realize how strong or how weak you can be.

What's your decision?

I’ve always considered myself a bit of an ambitious type. But, sometimes my ambition and determination is outweighed by my fear. Talk about dissonance! One half of your brain is telling you to suck it up and telling you that no one can beat you, while the other side is telling you there’s no way you can do what you’re thinking about doing. And then, you reach down, deep inside and find that little nugget of gumption that’s been hidding behind your knee cap somewhere, and you do what you thought about doing. In that moment, you know you’ve done the right thing. You know you’ve made a difference in your life. You know you’ve changed your course.

And the thing that strikes me during times like these, is that the fear slowly disappears and you regain who you once were. Nothing can stop you – not even yourself. So, don’t be afraid. Don’t be scared. As Nike put it a long time ago, just do it. You’ll be better than having not.

The words often flow easily from my fingers to my keyboard, but today I’m having a hard time figuring out what I want to say. One great thing I can share is that I’ve got a new guy in my life. It’s really fantastic to experience the simple pleasures of understanding another person the way I feel I’m beginning to understand him. The relationship is still in its infancy, but like a child, relationships arern’t made to become instantly mature with the first bite of nurishment.

Not that I’m greatly experienced in this area, but I do know from observation of great couples in my life, that you can’t expect a relationship to be without its bumps and dips, highs and mountains. From what I’ve learned from people with many more years experience in this area, people with happy and fufilled relationships, is that relationships are work. Anyone that tells you they aren’t has either not been in a relationship, or is lying to your face. 

Growing up, as a young girl, I was emmersed in the fairytales of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and her seven dwarfs. I inadvertantly was taught to believe that I would be whisked away by a perfect Prince Charming and carry on with a perfectly wonderful life. The one fault about Cinderella and the like, is that Disney never shows you life after the whisking.  It’s not always easy. It’s not always exciting. Even during the whisking, things can get sticky, complicated and confusing. The idea of perfection is hard to outgrow, and many of us (girls) never do.

Outgrowing this notion of perfection is hard for me. True to my nature, I want things to be perfect. I want things to go the way I expect them to go, and when they don’t I am the one that is disappointed. This mindset is not a great thing for living in the imperfect world of human relationships, but over some several years now, I’ve learned that perfection is not what we should strive for in our dealings with others. What we should strive for is understanding, appreciation and respect.

If you can continually live within these three mantras, I fully believe that you can survive anything that may cause upset within a relationship. Maybe I’m insanely naive, but I’m going to keep trying it out and maybe, just maybe I’m right.

It’s December 23, and my family and I just celebrated our Christmas with an exciting gift exchange. For those of you who don’t know, I’m still in my 20s and live at home with my parents and two younger brothers (both of which are in college and also live at home.)

So, as tradition would have it, we gathered ’round our living room and began the fun time of exchanging gifts. Unlike our normal tradition, we exchanged these gifts on the night before the Night Before Christmas. We usually do our gift exchange on Christmas Eve night after attending Christmas at my mother’s parents. But, my younger brother finally got his way (only because I did not opppose), and we opened gifts tonight.

My parents were showered with gifts. Some of the highlights – Mom finally got that jacket from The North Face she’d been eyeing for over a year. Dad got an iPod speaker system. One brother got a Fossil leather-banded watch and a turn table that allows him to rip his LPs directly to his iPod (he’s a huge music buff). The other brother got the latest iPod Touch and some high-tech earphones.

I thought I’d share my Christmas haul here. I’m so grateful and blessed! Thanks again Momma, Daddy and the boys.

iPod Classic, Silver, 120GB

iPod Classic - The Must Have Gift The Ultimate iPod GuideSo I can use the iPod.

 Fearless by Taylor Swift

Think what you want, I love Taylor!

 
Lady Antebellum by Lady Antebellum

The best up-and-coming country artists.

Back to Basics by Christina Aguillera (thanks brother!)

Love Christina!

 
Sephora Ultimate Makeup Kit

Everything I'll ever need.

 
Belkin TuneCast Universal (thanks brother!)

So I can listen to my iPod in the car!

 
Artisan Silver Earrings (from a local artist)

 
Sterling Silver Ring

 
George Strait T-Shirt (I’m still a country girl after all…)

 
Wedgy Monogrammed Umbrella in Pixie Pink and Limeade

Bookmarks

Japanese tape and stationery

I got a whole assortment of these fun tapes.

 
Merry Christmas!!

It’s been no secret to those around me that I’ve had a rough few days. Nothing particularly is wrong. I’m just having a “pity party” as my brother likes to call it. Everyone has their problems. Everyone has their issues. But, I don’t like having them.

I like things to be perfect. I like things to go according to “the plan.” I like things the way I like them, but nothing ever goes accordingly. I feel immense pressure internally from the false impression of expecation I get from others. I feel like much is expected of me and I can’t accomplish it all.

My mother swears noone expects anything of me. She swears noone is putting pressure on me. I have to respectfully disagree. Everyone has expectations of others. I know I do. And, I am usually disappointed because noone ever plays by my rules. They each play by there own, and mine and their’s rarely match up.

I’m blaming it on kindergarten.

Little girls grow up with fairy tales.

Don’t they say everything you’ll ever need to know you learned in kindergarten? Well, I don’t know if I exactly agree with that statement, but I did learn a heck of a lot about what others expect of you. You’re expected to conform. You’re expected to not ask questions of those in charge. You’re expected to walk in a straight line on the right side of the hall. You’re expected to keep quite and not express your opinions unless asked and then you are told you’re wrong if what you say isn’t what the teacher wants. You are rewarded for being a “good little girl.” You’re given stars, candy and extra attention if you make the best grade or do the best work. If you’re not the best, not the brightest, you become invisible.

Who wants to be invisible?

Becoming the best and the brightest is the quickest and easiest way to become noticed. Once it starts in kindergarten, it filters over into the following school years and eventually into your personal life. You’re read fairy tales about princes and fair maidens, and eventually you expect these fairy tales to come true. This is not just my view point, but many girls I’ve come in contact with over the years feel the same way. Single, married, divorced – they all believe(d) fairy tales come true. You expect them to, but they don’t and you’re left with unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

Within religious circles it’s even worse. As a young girl, you’re expected to be quite and not ask questions. You’re expected to let the men in your life tell you who you should be. We often get caught up in the idea of perfection and forget that we’re all flawed.

I’m preaching to the choir here. I’ve already expressed my need for perfection. I’ve tried and tried to let things go. I’ve tried to not worry about life and it’s daily inperfections. I’ve tried, but have not succeeded.

I guess I have two options. Be perfectly unhappy or be imperfectly happy.

I think I’ll choose the later.

I’ve gotten back into the blogging thing again. I’ve been so busy with my day job that I haven’t had time to focus on me or anything that I want from my daily life. I’ve been caught up in a swirl of SEO worksheets, meta descriptions, marketing campaigns and collateral proofs. It gets a little overwhelming for me at times, so that is why I’ve decided to start taking time to do something I want to do on a daily basis to enhance my daily life.

This “something” could be as small as watching a favorite episode of Will & Grace or as big as taking off on day road trip to some tiny town that has nothing but newness to offer. Whatever I decide to do, it will be for me. And, it possibly will be for others because I’m not quite that selfish. I want to be at times, but I can’t quite move completely to the dark side of self absorbtion. I guess that’s a good thing though.

Now that I’ve thoroughly bored you with my thoughts, I’ll let you get back to what you were doing. Hopefully, it was something you wanted to do and it enhanced your daily life.

Yesterday was our nation’s day of thanks. To celebrate, we all gorged ourselves on turkey and dressing, cranberry sauce, rolls and all the deserts … oh, the desserts … as only an obese nation can. We watched our football, and for my family, spent the afternoon mud riding in the side-by-side. We also had a little fun on the front-end loader, as only polished, American rednecks can. After raping the the land of her natural innocence, we ate more and collapsed into a drunken stupor created by digested turkey, ham and excessive carbs.

Today, being Black Friday, was the most celebrated day of the retail universe. I dutifully paid respects to the retail and debt gods and rose at the ringing of my 3:15 a.m. alarm. I dressed solemnly and ventured into the crisp blackness of pre-dawn to retrieve the much sought after item that my mother wanted under the Christmas tree this year.

Having never participated in the extravaganza that is Black Friday – except for that one horrid year during college that I was employed by Target – I was exceptionally naive about the whole thing. Thinking that most sane people would be sleeping off the tryptophan of the previous day, I never imagined the sight I would see when I topped the hill that overlooked the two-acre parking lot of a local retailer. It was a glowing sea of car headlights and street lights and neon store signs. Every parking place was filled and many cars meandered the aisles like ants in an ant farm. The store didn’t open until 4 a.m. – 15 minutes after my arrival to the “retail” Mecca.

I was stunned.

But, I decided to investigate anyway and must say that is was quite a thrill. Friends were meeting and exchanging hugs, examining their strategically categorized shopping lists. Couples were discussing their attack-and-conquer strategies – “I’ll get in line and you run and get the boys’ jeans,” “Go get mom’s mixer. I’ll get the T.V. and meet you by the housewares.”

I headed for my must-get gift and hopped in the check-out line 15 minutes after the doors opened and was amazed that the 250 plus people in front of me were also in line.

Being a seasoned shopper, I did have a game plan, though. I shopped the aisles and departments as I passed, leaving my loot in line to save my spot and quickly running in and out of departments as I spotted what I wanted. It worked and and hour later I was on my way out the door with half my Christmas shopping finished, $50 worth of free gift cards to use on Sunday and a cute boy to carry my things.

I was back home and in bed by 6 a.m. where I dreamed of the surprised faces of my friends and family on Christmas morning. Will it be worth it? I can say, yes.

WHERE did this year go?! Next week is Thanksgiving and I still feel like I’m getting over last Christmas. I noticed that my last post was in August  *shock*. I guess I’ve been doing so much writing outside of the Internet lately that I let it slide.

I’ve changed jobs now so I won’t be doing any day-to-day writing, but I will still be going at my freelance stuff. It’s been a hard transition for me because I didn’t want to leave my writing/marketing job, but I had to because of financial constraints. Now, I’m doing something completely different. I don’t know how long it will last. It’s not my dream job title but it could turn into a dream job. Everything has potential, I guess.

If nothing else, it’ll give me something else to write about.

I HATE WORDPRESS AT THIS VERY MOMENT!

I was editing this very long post and WordPress deleted it. All I asked it to do was save it, but NOooooooooooo! It deleted it. Oh well, you’ll have to read something else.

(Quick synopsis of post – Verizon wireless service rep rocked.)

After seven months of drudging through a “normal” part-time job and living in my parents’ spare bedroom, I have yet to get a call back from any of my resumes. Maybe my heart isn’t really behind it, that is getting a regular job in the world of PR.

So finally, just a week ago, I decided I was going to keep my “normal” part-time job – because it involves lots of editing and writing, which I love – and fill the rest of my time with freelance writing jobs.

In just a week, I’ve added two new online freelancing jobs to my repertoire. I can’t disclose those at the moment because I haven’t gotten all the paperwork done, but they are on the horizon. I’m also in the process of having my blog make me some money. We’ll see how that goes. I hope that within the next six months I will be making money freelancing that is at least equal to what my normal part-time job pays.

I have to give props to Deborah Ng as she has been my inspiration even though she doesn’t know it, and Darren Rowse over at Problogger.net.

I haven’t written in a really, really long time. Well, at least I haven’t written on my blog. I write every day regardless because it’s part of my job. I edit mostly but occassionally I get bored of that and bump a freelancer and put in my own story. That’s the benefit of being in my position.

Don’t take it the wrong way. My job is less than glamourous, less than full time and less than good pay, but somehow I’ve been doing it for 7 months now and can still pay my bills. Sure my credit card has a little bit of a balance on it and sure I had to postpone my student loan repayments for at least the next 6 months, but for some reason or another I’ve no success at finding another job.

The double edge of the sword is though that I can’t find one thing I’m half way interested in. Aside from the aforementioned cons of the job, it’s at least interesting. I can’t decide if I’d rather be poor and intrigued or comfortable and bored to tears.

I guess it remains to be seen. Either way, the “writing for fun” break is over. I hope to start making this a more regular gig. We’ll see how it goes.