Expectations and False Fairy Tales December 17, 2008

It’s been no secret to those around me that I’ve had a rough few days. Nothing particularly is wrong. I’m just having a “pity party” as my brother likes to call it. Everyone has their problems. Everyone has their issues. But, I don’t like having them.

I like things to be perfect. I like things to go according to “the plan.” I like things the way I like them, but nothing ever goes accordingly. I feel immense pressure internally from the false impression of expecation I get from others. I feel like much is expected of me and I can’t accomplish it all.

My mother swears noone expects anything of me. She swears noone is putting pressure on me. I have to respectfully disagree. Everyone has expectations of others. I know I do. And, I am usually disappointed because noone ever plays by my rules. They each play by there own, and mine and their’s rarely match up.

I’m blaming it on kindergarten.

Little girls grow up with fairy tales.

Don’t they say everything you’ll ever need to know you learned in kindergarten? Well, I don’t know if I exactly agree with that statement, but I did learn a heck of a lot about what others expect of you. You’re expected to conform. You’re expected to not ask questions of those in charge. You’re expected to walk in a straight line on the right side of the hall. You’re expected to keep quite and not express your opinions unless asked and then you are told you’re wrong if what you say isn’t what the teacher wants. You are rewarded for being a “good little girl.” You’re given stars, candy and extra attention if you make the best grade or do the best work. If you’re not the best, not the brightest, you become invisible.

Who wants to be invisible?

Becoming the best and the brightest is the quickest and easiest way to become noticed. Once it starts in kindergarten, it filters over into the following school years and eventually into your personal life. You’re read fairy tales about princes and fair maidens, and eventually you expect these fairy tales to come true. This is not just my view point, but many girls I’ve come in contact with over the years feel the same way. Single, married, divorced – they all believe(d) fairy tales come true. You expect them to, but they don’t and you’re left with unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

Within religious circles it’s even worse. As a young girl, you’re expected to be quite and not ask questions. You’re expected to let the men in your life tell you who you should be. We often get caught up in the idea of perfection and forget that we’re all flawed.

I’m preaching to the choir here. I’ve already expressed my need for perfection. I’ve tried and tried to let things go. I’ve tried to not worry about life and it’s daily inperfections. I’ve tried, but have not succeeded.

I guess I have two options. Be perfectly unhappy or be imperfectly happy.

I think I’ll choose the later.

Turkey Hangover and Shopping Extravaganza November 23, 2007

Yesterday was our nation’s day of thanks. To celebrate, we all gorged ourselves on turkey and dressing, cranberry sauce, rolls and all the deserts … oh, the desserts … as only an obese nation can. We watched our football, and for my family, spent the afternoon mud riding in the side-by-side. We also had a little fun on the front-end loader, as only polished, American rednecks can. After raping the the land of her natural innocence, we ate more and collapsed into a drunken stupor created by digested turkey, ham and excessive carbs.

Today, being Black Friday, was the most celebrated day of the retail universe. I dutifully paid respects to the retail and debt gods and rose at the ringing of my 3:15 a.m. alarm. I dressed solemnly and ventured into the crisp blackness of pre-dawn to retrieve the much sought after item that my mother wanted under the Christmas tree this year.

Having never participated in the extravaganza that is Black Friday – except for that one horrid year during college that I was employed by Target – I was exceptionally naive about the whole thing. Thinking that most sane people would be sleeping off the tryptophan of the previous day, I never imagined the sight I would see when I topped the hill that overlooked the two-acre parking lot of a local retailer. It was a glowing sea of car headlights and street lights and neon store signs. Every parking place was filled and many cars meandered the aisles like ants in an ant farm. The store didn’t open until 4 a.m. – 15 minutes after my arrival to the “retail” Mecca.

I was stunned.

But, I decided to investigate anyway and must say that is was quite a thrill. Friends were meeting and exchanging hugs, examining their strategically categorized shopping lists. Couples were discussing their attack-and-conquer strategies – “I’ll get in line and you run and get the boys’ jeans,” “Go get mom’s mixer. I’ll get the T.V. and meet you by the housewares.”

I headed for my must-get gift and hopped in the check-out line 15 minutes after the doors opened and was amazed that the 250 plus people in front of me were also in line.

Being a seasoned shopper, I did have a game plan, though. I shopped the aisles and departments as I passed, leaving my loot in line to save my spot and quickly running in and out of departments as I spotted what I wanted. It worked and and hour later I was on my way out the door with half my Christmas shopping finished, $50 worth of free gift cards to use on Sunday and a cute boy to carry my things.

I was back home and in bed by 6 a.m. where I dreamed of the surprised faces of my friends and family on Christmas morning. Will it be worth it? I can say, yes.

Verizon OK afterall… August 1, 2007

I HATE WORDPRESS AT THIS VERY MOMENT!

I was editing this very long post and WordPress deleted it. All I asked it to do was save it, but NOooooooooooo! It deleted it. Oh well, you’ll have to read something else.

(Quick synopsis of post – Verizon wireless service rep rocked.)

Making the Money July 31, 2007

After seven months of drudging through a “normal” part-time job and living in my parents’ spare bedroom, I have yet to get a call back from any of my resumes. Maybe my heart isn’t really behind it, that is getting a regular job in the world of PR.

So finally, just a week ago, I decided I was going to keep my “normal” part-time job – because it involves lots of editing and writing, which I love – and fill the rest of my time with freelance writing jobs.

In just a week, I’ve added two new online freelancing jobs to my repertoire. I can’t disclose those at the moment because I haven’t gotten all the paperwork done, but they are on the horizon. I’m also in the process of having my blog make me some money. We’ll see how that goes. I hope that within the next six months I will be making money freelancing that is at least equal to what my normal part-time job pays.

I have to give props to Deborah Ng as she has been my inspiration even though she doesn’t know it, and Darren Rowse over at Problogger.net.

The siesta is over… July 13, 2007

I haven’t written in a really, really long time. Well, at least I haven’t written on my blog. I write every day regardless because it’s part of my job. I edit mostly but occassionally I get bored of that and bump a freelancer and put in my own story. That’s the benefit of being in my position.

Don’t take it the wrong way. My job is less than glamourous, less than full time and less than good pay, but somehow I’ve been doing it for 7 months now and can still pay my bills. Sure my credit card has a little bit of a balance on it and sure I had to postpone my student loan repayments for at least the next 6 months, but for some reason or another I’ve no success at finding another job.

The double edge of the sword is though that I can’t find one thing I’m half way interested in. Aside from the aforementioned cons of the job, it’s at least interesting. I can’t decide if I’d rather be poor and intrigued or comfortable and bored to tears.

I guess it remains to be seen. Either way, the “writing for fun” break is over. I hope to start making this a more regular gig. We’ll see how it goes.

What Do I Believe? April 28, 2007

I believe in …

… a holy and just God.

… love at first, second and third sight.

… a good work ethic.

… things not being given to you without you putting anything out.

… family.

… having fun.

… doing the right thing.

… setting goals.

… changing your goals.

… changing your mind.

… having the first word and the last word.

… knowing your story.

… knowing others’ stories.

… remembering the past, living in the present and planning for the future.

… being yourself.

Hungry hungry…mother April 16, 2007

She must have been pretty hungry…

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Woman offers man sex with teenage daughter in exchange for pizza var wn_last_ed_date = getLEDate(“Mar30,2007,8:57 PM EST”); document.write(wn_last_ed_date);March 30, 2007 07:57 PM CDT A Shoals mother is accused of doing the unthinkable to get free food. The woman turned herself in Thursday to Russellville police in Franklin County.     Investigators say a woman was trying to get a man to buy her a free pizza in exchange for sex with her teenage daughter. The man turned down the offer. Britnell now faces charges for solicitation.   45-year-old Reba Diane Britnell was arrested Thursday after a Grand Jury indicted her on a charge of criminal solicitation second-degree rape. The incident was reported to the Sheriff’s office by an acquaintance of Britnell’s. Investigators have been investigating the case for several months. Thursday the case went to the Grand Jury. Franklin County District Attorney Joey Rushing says, “Investigators have been investigating the case for several months. Thursday the case went to the grand jury. Requesting another person to engage in sexual intercourse with someone to pay for pizza is what the indictment says. That’s what she’s charged with and she’s set for arraignment in April. Then she will be placed on the trial doc. In a couple of months.”   Britnell was released on $15,000 bond. No trial date has been set.

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It’s just the weather. April 16, 2007

Where has spring gone? I was very happy with the 80 degree temps last week, but now things have changed. It’s windy. It’s cold. It’s rainy. I have permanently affixed myself to the couch all weekend and watched a multitude of enigmatic programming. I still can’t believe that there are people whose job it is to come up with this stuff. Even more unbelievable is that I have spent 72 hours watching it. It’s a sad life I lead when the weather’s bad.

I feel even worse due to new medication that I am taking for a little health issue that I am dealing with. Nothing major, just not interested in going in to detail about it here. I could possibly have become anemic over the last few days. No..en..er..gy..blah.

Even worse is that my poor puppy has been cooped up in his backyard playpen for days now because it’s been too cold and rainy to take him on his much beloved walks. I am just not interested in walking a muddy, wet dog for a mile in the rain and cold. Luckily he’s got a decent enough running area in the backyard. He’s pissed though. I can tell. But, yesterday he looked like and Oreo – half white, half black –  from the rich mud in the yard and his incessant need to lie in mud puddles or his kiddie pool filled with muck. Sometimes I don’t understand canines.

Also, it’s been quite a weekend. If I believed in all the hocus pocus of Friday the 13th this weekend would have been a perfect example of its witchery. My poor pug woke up Friday morning sounding like a seasoned smoker suffering from emphysema. Mother took him to the vet. He has bronchitis. So I have had to remind myself twice a day to trick him into taking his meds. Tasty bread and peanut butter do the trick, but then I have to make a treat for our rat terrier as well because she’s the alpha dog and gets pissy if you don’t give her something as well. Again, I sometimes don’t understand canines.

Work starts again tomorrow. My officemate will be out all next week due to some elective surgery. I am looking forward to being cut off from the world in my warm office. Just me and John Mayer singing the blues. I promise I’m not depressed. It’s just the weather.

Thugs with money … and rednecks, too. March 14, 2007

There is really nothing funnier than a thug with money. And, rednecks too. As you flip through the MTVs, E!s and VH1s, you see the immense humor in the spending sprees of people who have suddenly come in to money and have no idea what to realistically do with it all.

Example #1: MTV Cribs

Episode after episode after obscenely overindulgent episode, viewers get a glimpse into the lives of rap artists who have 17-bedroom mansions, 42 sports cars and 15 SUVs loaded with the latest and greatest in gadgets. DVD players are mating with iPod ports and having baby gold-plated seat-belt buckles. Is it really necessary to line the interior roof of your BMW 700 series with Swarovski crystals spelling out your latest album title? I mean, really?!

Example #2: Any young celebritante

Houses, cars, closets the size of a small independent country – these are what young celebritantes are made of. They have so much money they don’t realize it when they buy that third house in Malibu, that fifth Mercedes convertible or that 600th pair of Louboutins. When do they stop?

And, there excesses don’t stop at material things. They purchase booze and drugs by the truckloads then spend months in “rehab” at a retreat in the hills of Malibu, drinking Diet Coke and smoking their Marlboro Lights while they get pedicures and accupuncture. 

Example #3: Britney Spears, Kellie Pickler and others

Britney Spears is in general white trash. I should know, I grew up with a dozen girls like her. They have no social graces, and the more money you throw at them the more obvious is their lack of sophistication. Kellie Pickler gets a country hit and buys the biggest fake breasts her advance check will get her. Then, she displays them on national television and acts like she didn’t spend her money on anything but shoes.

The guys are just as bad. Pick any one of the number of quick-rich skateboarders, bikers or “rappers” and you will see a heavy-pocketed redneck. No amount of money can teach you to be decent.

My suggestion to all you future richies – get etiquette training and don’t be so blatantly obnoxious when it comes to your spending. It leaves a bad taste in our mouths. 

Christmas spirit and changed lives December 20, 2006

Where the fa-la-la is the Christmas spirit? Forget the presents and tinsel. Where is the humanity and respect for your neighbor? In the town I currently live, as with most decently sized
U.S. cities, there is a certain population of people with no home. Some of these citizens walk the streets in the downtown area where my office is located. These same 10 or so men walk up and down the sidewalks every day and are passed by as non-entities. There coats tattered and torn, their pants dirty and ripped, people brush past them as though they weren’t even standing right in the middle of the sidewalk. I am guilty of this too. At least I was guilty of this until yesterday.Yesterday, I was taking a walk down to the pharmacy to get a soda when I passed one of these men. Being a young woman, I am a little chary of unfamiliar men in general when I am walking by myself. I am fully aware of the number of young women that go missing every year because they were oblivious to their surroundings and too trusting of strangers. Being as I would like to continue to live my normal, comfortable life, I try to remain un-kidnapped, un-robbed, un-raped and un-murdered. I do this by being wary of unfamiliarity around me.Anyways, back to my story. I was passing by this man and trying my best not to make eye contact yet remain fully aware of his movements. As I came into his “personal space” he greeted me with a “Merry Christmas” and a smile. It was an innocent smile; not one that gave me the wary-ness I was anticipating. I returned his greeting and went on my way. I had never before seen this particular man before nor have I seen him since. I’m not saying one way or another but angels do walk among us. And, though simple, that one greeting has altered my outlook on things of this nature. Rather than go through life oblivious to the world around me, living in my own little world of selfishness, I should at least think of others – even the man walking down the street with no home to call his own. What would happen if everyone took the time to think of just one person, a different person each day? What kind of wave could we create? What if we stepped outside our comfort area and took the time to think of someone other than our friends and family – a stranger, someone we have never met? You may not think a simple “hello” and well-wishing could change someone’s life. I didn’t either until it changed mine.